September 12, 2026

Learn To Be Alone

Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.

bell hooks wrote All About Love in 1999, pushing back against a culture that treats romance as rescue from loneliness rather than a free choice made in clarity. She argues that real love requires an inner steadiness that only solitude can build, so we stop mistaking need for connection. This distinction is a matter of discernment because it separates genuine desire for others from the fear of being alone that clouds our judgment. Practicing solitude, she suggests, is what lets us choose people and commitments wisely instead of using them as an escape.