September 07, 2026

Look At Yourself Gently

The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.

Pema Chödrön wrote this after her own marriage collapsed, a season that forced her to sit with grief instead of running from it. She teaches that the cruelest thing we do to ourselves is refuse to look honestly at who we are, calling that avoidance itself a form of violence. In the Tibetan Buddhist lineage she trained in under Chögyam Trungpa, compassion for others is inseparable from maitri, the unconditional friendliness we first owe ourselves. That is why traditional loving-kindness practice begins with the phrase 'may I be happy' before it ever turns outward to others. The hardest being to love with an open heart is often the one doing the looking.

A principle of Eastern Wisdom: Compassion and Lovingkindness →